So you just broke up. You’re going through a divorce. You just got a divorce. Your wife just left you for someone else. Your husband cheated on you and abandoned your marriage. Your boyfriend said that it would be best if you were just friends. Your girlfriend stopped answering your calls out of the clear blue sky. My question to you is “Now what?”
So I get it..Your whole day is thrown off. There’s not a day that goes by that you don’t think of this person. Your joy is robbed. You’re depressed. You can’t even think. You don’t want to eat. You don’t want to go places with your friends. You haven’t cleaned your house in a week. You have dishes stacked up and piled in the sink. You need to wash clothes. You haven’t grocery shopped. You don’t even have the desire to do the things that you love to do. And why? All in the name of this “person” leaving you.
I know it’s probably difficult for you and I’m sure that you may be experiencing pain as a result of that person walking out of your life. Because let’s face it. You enjoyed this person’s presence and company. You loved this person unconditionally. You made your whole world about this person.
And that’s just it! That’s the problem. Your whole life began to center around this “person.” You lost you in the mix. You had practically lost you in them. You placed God on the backburner and forgot about Him. You got to the point where you would rather spend time with that person than spend time with God. While God should have still had the #1 place in your life, He took the #2 next to this human that you placed in the #1 spot.
When you evolve your life around a human, your whole life will become displaced and off-centered. When Christ is not at the center, you will find that whatever is at the center of your heart becomes your “idol or a god.” The Bible says, “You shall have no other gods before me.” Exodus 20:3 And when you have an idol and you place it or them before God, sometimes, more often than not, God will strip it away from you no matter how painful it may be. Many times, God strips those things away from us because they are a distraction to our relationship with Him. Keep reading…Don’t get discouraged. Stay with me! I’m going to help you get through this God’s way!
For the Singles (If Divorced or Going Through The Process, Skip To Next Paragraph)
So, let me just say if you are single and someone walked out on you, let them walk honey!!! You don’t want someone who doesn’t want to be with you. You don’t want someone who is not dedicated to you and dedicated to having a relationship with you. If they have the desire to be with someone else, then so be it. God has something so much greater for you! However, in order for you to receive greater, you have to pay a cost. And sometimes that cost includes losing the very thing or person that you thought you wanted and just couldn’t live without. How are you going to get your new BMW if you haven’t cleared the broke down Honda out of your driveway? Sometimes you have to allow God to clear some things out so that He can give you something new. If they left you, please know that the person God has for you will never leave you. They will have a sincere desire to serve God by fulfilling their purpose in your life. Walking out won’t even be an option because the God in them won’t let them do it. So, if they walked out, rest assure that that person was not the one for you. The person for you will recognize you in God’s timing and know their purpose in your life. They won’t be unsure. They will know their role. They will know that you are the one for them. The moment someone becomes confused about you is the moment that you want them to walk. When someone gets confused, they don’t know what they want and they are susceptible to do anything. They may even try to date your best friend. It’s not because they don’t have respect for you, it’s simply because they don’t know what they want. So, I say to you, keep your head up. The “now what” is for you to refocus on your relationship with Jesus. When your life is right with Christ and you are living in accordance with His plan and His will for your life, you place yourself in a position to receive what God has for you. God’s best! When your right relationship with God is off, everything else is too. So, if you have experienced this abandonment, don’t wait around hoping that that person shows back up. Don’t place your life on hold until that person says they want to be with you again. Life is too short and there’s work to be done in the Kingdom. You don’t have time for this. God has too many things for you to do. You have so many gifts and talents within you. Don’t let them go to waste! Use them for crying out loud! Use this time to grow and develop rather than getting into another relationship. Find out what you’re good at. Find out who you are. Work on becoming a better “whole” instead of a better “half.” Stay focused. When it is God’s time (not yours) for you to be shared with someone else, He will let you know it. Until then, keep your eyes on your work in the Kingdom. (Skip Down To “The Now What”)
For The Divorced & Those Going Through The Process (Skip To “The Now What” If Single)
I know you are probably wondering why and how by now. There’s so many things going through your head as to how God could have let this happen to you. There’s so many things you don’t understand. You hurt. You have a long road to get to a place where you are completely healed from this. It’s going to take time and you know it. For those of you who went through a divorce or going through a divorce, maybe the evaluation for you is to evaluate that person’s behavior prior to you marrying them. Marriages don’t just fall apart. There are things that happen way before we walk down the aisle that lead to divorce. Here are some questions that I want you to ask yourself. In order to get to the root problem, we have to dig a little bit. Digging is painful, but we must dig so that we can heal. We have to deal with ourselves and one another in truth if we want to be set free. Ready? You can do it. Let’s talk about it. Here are some questions for you to consider. What were they like before I married them? Were they sold out to Jesus before I married them? Did they actively pursue God before you made your vows? Did they love me like Christ loved the church? If you are a man, was she submissive to you prior to you walking down the aisle? If you are a woman, was he praying and seeking God with his whole heart while he was dating you? Was there fornication involved prior to you marrying them? Was your marriage based off of the principles of God’s word? Was this God’s best for your life or did you force it to happen? Did your mother and father bless off on your marriage or did you do it in the absence of their blessing? Did your pastor bless off on your union?
Ask yourself these questions so that you can begin to get to the root of the issue and the real reason “why” they left you. We need to stop blaming God for things that he may have tried to prevent from happening. Sometimes He speaks to us, but we are not tuned in and we can’t hear Him. Or, we hear Him loud and clear and we still ignore Him. When you see these issues early on in a relationship you can almost be sure that these issues will not disappear when you get married. What you have experienced after you walked down the aisle is merely a replica of what was really already there. As human beings, we carry a lot of baggage and we bring a lot of baggage into relationships and marriage when we have not yet fully healed. When someone has not healed, you run the risk of dealing with their issues until God delivers them. That can take 5 years or it could take 20 years. God’s ways are not our ways. His thoughts are not our thoughts. We can’t change people on our own time. We wish that we could, but we can’t. No matter how many scriptures we try to stuff down someone’s throat, if their heart is not ready to receive, the seeds we sow will never fall on good ground.
In an effort to understand the truth, it is important that we understand God’s original design for marriage and the joining of a union. God’s divine purpose for marriage was ministry. Yes, a marriage is nothing more than a ministry. The joining of two people takes place for the glorification of God. In the Kingdom, our marriages get off course when they are not centered around ministry and the Kingdom of God. However, it takes two people to do this! You can’t have one dedicated to the cause of Christ without the other. A union is a combination of two people walking on one accord. So you ask, what’s the “now what?” How do I recover from my brokenness? How do I get my joy restored? I have children, how do I set a good example for them while I’m healing and going through this? Your “now what” is to seek Jesus and lean on Him. Your “now what” is not to fill that void with another human being. Your “now what” is to sit at the feet of Jesus and receive full restoration. Your “now what” is to reconcile with God and allow forgiveness to flow through you to the person that walked out on you. Because let’s face it, it’s not all that easy being abandoned and walked away from. It doesn’t feel good. Straight up, it downright hurts. And sometimes, it’s very difficult to forgive those who hurt us. But, through the power of Jesus Christ, it can be done. This is a process and it will take you some time, but whatever you do, keep your eyes on Jesus and heal His way. His way is best. His way, meaning, allowing Him to fill your voids and heal your heartache. So many times we want to run to another person thinking that they can heal our pain and comfort us. Jesus wants us to come to Him. Only He can fill that void in your heart. The whole in your heart is a God-sized hole that no human being will ever be able to fill. And until you understand that, you will always come up empty if you try to fill that hole with anything else but Christ. Only Christ can fill you up. It is only the living water that will never run dry. All other sources of water will leave you empty and seeking for more. You’ll always be thirsty. Humans and material things will always leave you on “E.” What water are you filling up on when you are empty? Seek Jesus and get healed.
John 4:10, 13-14
10 Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”
13 Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”
The Now What
So, the “now what” is simple. Refocus your eyes on Jesus and center your life around Him. Make every effort to heal God’s way from the broken relationship or friendship that you have experienced. Yes, we were created for companionship, but even more importantly, we were created to be in a right relationship with God. God wants to heal you! He wants to tell a story through your testimony. He wants to help other people through your pain and suffering. As my friend always tells me, a lot of what we go through is never for us. We go through it for other people. We go through so that we can help someone else who is going through the very same thing. When we experience hardships and trials, it’s important that we learn from them while we are going through because we will be responsible for teaching and helping someone else. Don’t despise the pain and the heartache. Pain pushes us closer to Christ. Heartache shows us that Jesus is the only one who can heal it. And if you don’t believe it, you’ll keep coming up on “E” until you get a dose of the Living Water…Jesus.
So what’s your “Now What?” Are you going to give up and seek other humans and material things to fill your void or are you going to sit at the feet of Jesus and get healed? Your choice. You choose. I have posted some Bible verses below that are sure to help you on your journey to healing God’s way.
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Bible Verses For Healing God’s Way
Ex 15:26…………I am the Lord who heals you.
Isa 58:8………….your light shall break forth like the morning, your healing shall spring forth speedily, and your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.
Ps 118:17……….I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord.
Ps 147:3………..He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Prov 17:22………A merry heart does good, like a medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones.
Phil 4:19………”And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”
Jer 32:27………”Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh. Is there anything to hard for Me?”
Mt 11:28……….”Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”
Heb 13:5……….”For He Himself has said, I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Phil 4:6……….”Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let you requests be made known to God; …”