I decided to write about a topic that is very near and dear to many Christian singles. You would think that singles are all focused in on the Lord and focused on pursuing their Father’s business right? You would think that they are so focused on giving to the poor, helping the needy, serving in the church, working in the community and being a role model for young people right? BREAKING NEWS!!!!! Although they should be, they’re not. The center of their desires evolve around marriage and finding THE ONE. Whatever, you know it does and if you have single friends who are close to you, I wouldn’t be surprised if this comes up in their conversation with you often. Now I know, this all sounds a little bit cliche because some of them are in fact focused on the kingdom, but underneath all that praise, those tears and the shouts there is a yearning desire to get married and get the one and only coveted ring.
Let me just say this up front. If you are a single woman, your goal is NOT to try to find a man and force a marriage. There are so many single women who are so obsessed with the idea of marriage that they go and they try to make it happen. (You probably know some of them) And unfortunately, some of them do, and the ones that do, end up worse off than they were before they walked down the aisle. No peace. No joy. No happiness. After all that was the goal right? They thought getting a man would make them happy right?!
For my single men out there….If you are a single man, your goal is NOT to chase skirts and go after woman after woman. You are wasting your time. God has designed and created a “help meet” for you and if you focus on the Kingdom and follow Christ, you will find her because He will place her right in front of you just like he did when He placed Eve in front of Adam. Adam didn’t have to go looking for Eve. He focused on his work in the Garden of Eden until God presented Eve. And furthermore, Eve didn’t go around chasing Adam and demanding his presence at the altar. Eve wasn’t dropping her digits and asking Adam to call her. Eve was with her Creator and remained SILENT in His presence until God finished working on her. Clearly this is the case in Genesis isn’t it? I don’t recall Eve telling Adam that he was going to be her husband and I don’t recall Adam dating woman after woman before he met Eve. So why are we doing our own thing and trying to rush out of our seasons of singleness?
Many Christian singles despise their season of singleness and they want to escape it. No matter what they have to do, they chase after ways that they can escape the title of being a “Christian Single.” They want to be married like all of the rest of their friends so they make compromises. They know not to be unequally yoked but they disregard God’s laws and settle down with a Muslim or a non-believer. They know not to participate in fornication, so they rush into a marriage with the WRONG one for the WRONG reasons because they can’t contain their flesh. They know the person they’re with is not God’s best, but they continue diving head first into the biggest mistake of their life and plan a $10,000 wedding because they have too much pride and shame to tell their family members that they messed up. If this is you, don’t be offended by this, but allow God to deal with your heart and meet you right where you’re at so that you can begin to heal. We cannot heal until we first deal with the truth. If you rushed into a marriage, you are probably experiencing all kinds of turmoil because you chose not to do it God’s way. It’s either a rocky and tumultuous marriage, headed towards divorce or it has already ended in divorce. Take a moment to realize how you got to where you are. Don’t blame God. Take a look within and see where your heart wasn’t right. Find out when you stopped chasing after God and started chasing after a man or woman. Find out when a human became the center of your heart and replaced Jesus.
So how do we get here? What pushes us and forces us to chase relationship after relationship? What causes us to get in a relationship with or perhaps even marry someone who doesn’t know how to love us like Christ loved the Church (Ephesians 5)? Paul lays it out for us in the book of Ephesians. We have a blueprint of how we are supposed to be loved and we settle for the exact opposite of how the Word of God says it’s supposed to be.
HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN???? I’ll tell you why. Because our hearts are far from God. We are so caught up on ourselves and living for ourselves rather than living for Jesus. We are so caught up on what we want rather than being centered in and focused on what Jesus wants for us. Sure, it’s okay to have desires and it’s okay to have emotions and feelings, we’re human. However, it is not okay to pursue fulfillment of your flesh and its fleshly desires. PERIOD. If God did not ordain you to be with someone, the only thing that should be coming out of your mouth is “Thank you Jesus” because you never know what He is protecting you from. The problem is that we don’t see it as protection. We see it as God blocking us or keeping us from getting what we want. The heart is wicked and deceitful, who can know it? What you want may not be good for you especially if your desires are not in line with the Word of God.
In all actuality, forcing something and making something happen out of God’s timing or out of His will and plan for your life is deadly. If it doesn’t mix, it just doesn’t mix. You see harmony when God sees oil and water. And the reason you are blind to the oil and water is because you are not close enough to God to hear His voice tell you that “it’s not for you” or “wait a little while” or “I have something better in store for you.” No, you’re so deaf to his voice. And the reason that you are deaf to his voice is because you don’t read your Bible. Yes, I said it. You don’t read your Bible. You can’t expect to clearly hear from God if you are not partaking of His daily bread. The Word of God is how He speaks to you and if you aren’t reading it, chances are, you can’t hear Him. And when you THINK you do hear Him, it’s not really Him. You mistake His voice for the voice of the enemy because you don’t know it. After all, how can you when you don’t even take the time to hear from Him everyday? How can you when you aren’t even praying?
As Christian singles, we need to fix ourselves. We are so in a hurry to walk down an aisle that we can’t even see how broken we are. We completely miss the fact that we need to be healed because we are too busy trying to heal our own wounds by seeking a relationship as if a man or woman can fix our brokenness. The only person who can heal the brokenness in our hearts is Jesus. And if you haven’t been seeking Him to heal you, YOU ARE NOT WHOLE. The best thing you could do in this season is sit at His feet and be healed, not get frustrated and drag someone to an altar to create your own path of destruction to marriage.
Yes, destruction. If God didn’t start it and God’s not in it, it’s destructive. There’s no ifs, ands or buts about it. It’s either going to be tumultuous for the rest of your marriage union or it will end in divorce. PERIOD. If you don’t want truth, please cease from reading the rest of this blog and draw the line right here.
TRUTH SEEKERS CONTINUE READING BELOW THE LINE
I don’t have time to sugar coat with God’s people. We are out of time and in the last days. And if I have the opportunity to snatch someone out of their bondage by speaking the truth to them, I’m dedicated to doing it and there’s nothing that can stop me. Not even people taking offense to anything I’ve written or said. It’s time to start dealing with one another in truth. The Bible says, let every man speak truth with one another.
And the truth about our Christian singles is that they don’t want to wait for God to write their love story. They are burning in their flesh. They know fornication is wrong so they want to get in a position where they won’t be wrong rather than becoming whole in their bodies and spirits before sharing that special part of themselves with the RIGHT one. It’s not that our Christian singles are dying to just fall into sin, the problem is their inability to WAIT. They want what they want when they want it. They don’t want to go through the process because the process is too painful. The process is lonely. The process is tough. And yes, while the process may be difficult, the process is liberating and it will position you to receive God’s best for your life. However, in our microwave “I want it now” society, the problem is that we don’t want to go through the process patiently. We would rather hurry God up by writing our own love story and put a comma where He put a period, than wait on Him to be the author and re-draft the entire story.
That’s just it. We want to be in control. We want the credit. We want to be involved. Are you guilty of this? Do you have to be involved in every detail and sentence of your love story? Do you have to know what’s coming next? If you don’t know what’s coming next have you created your own lines out of fear? Allow God to work in your life and allow God to work in your future mate’s life by putting your pen down and chasing after God. God knows how the story is supposed to be written. Stop interjecting your own clauses and paragraphs and wait on God with expectation.
So, if you are guilty of writing your own love story and you have ended up in a tumultuous relationship or marriage, it’s not too late to reconcile with Christ. Go back and chase your first love. Go back and run after Jesus. Go back and place Jesus at the center of your heart. When you can get back to that sacred place where it’s just you and Him, you will be able to discern what He wants you to do. If you haven’t walked down the aisle yet, you still have time. Seek God. I don’t care if you sent out the invitations already. I don’t care if you booked the wedding planner and all of the venues to go with it. The important thing is that you don’t walk down the aisle until you know that it is God’s will for your life. And if you don’t have a relationship with God, chances are, you may have gotten it wrong. When you are not living for God and you are not after God’s own heart, you will inevitably make a mistake and get it wrong.
And for those of you who have already walked down the aisle, Jesus is still in love with you. Let Him heal you and pray that His will be done in your life. God knew that you would be here. He knew that you would go astray after your own heart’s desires. After all, you are a HUMAN made of flesh. We all make mistakes, but we don’t have to dwell there in them. Begin praying for yourself and your spouse. Begin asking God to restore your love for Him and Him alone. The closer you get to Christ, the more clearer things will become.
Drop your pen and let God write…
Respect the process. God’s calling.
4 “Therefore I am now going to allure her;
I will lead her into the wilderness
and speak tenderly to her.
15 There I will give her back her vineyards,
and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
There she will respond as in the days of her youth,
as in the day she came up out of Egypt.
P.S. Share this with another Christian single who may be discouraged and is struggling in their singleness…Encourage them to stay the course. It’s not all that bad. It gets better with time and a whole lot of Jesus.